Chapter 7: Obtaining initiations and oral instructions

Then Marpa said to Lama Ngokpa, “What is the reason for explaining the oral instructions, having given the initiation, to this bad person called Topaga?” Lama Ngokpa was terrified, and as he offered prostrations, he replied, “Precious Lama, Enraged, he aimed a pointed finger at me, “How did all those [thing] come to you?” I suffered like my heart was being torn out, and terrified, like my voice would not come out, I replied, with a shaking voice, “The lady gave them to me.” Suddenly he jumped up and raised a staff and set off to beat the lady. The lady fled into the shrine room and shut the door. The lama scratched at the door several times and went to sit on his seat. Having covered his head, he sat there. Right away Lama Ngokpa prostrated, and set off to get the ornaments and practice object. I also left at the same time as the lady, and thinking [about it all], I felt like crying. “Since this body in the present will not attain the dharma, and because I have accumulated great and many sins, I will die, having committed suicide. Being born in a human body that will attain the dharma in the future, I ask that you hold me compassionately.” I was about to kill myself, and the lady caught me. Crying, “Uncle Great Magician, don’t do like that! In the Secret Mantra tradition, all our aggregates, constituents, and sense fields are deities, there is no chance of transcending that karma [of killing a deity]. Before it’s time, even if you do the transference, there will  be the fault of killing a deity. If you commit suicide, it’s an even greater sin than that. Even in the sutra traditions, there is no greater sin than terminating oneself by killing oneself. You must understand this! Give up thoughts of suicide. This is the second [supreme deed]: the deed in which he purified negativities and obscurations through misery and despair.

Three. Again, Rechungpa asked, “What were the circumstances in which Jetsun was accepted as a follower by Lama Marpa?” Then, Marpa rose from his contemplation. “I have compassion for my students, so call them,” he said.  “The lama is calm, and so I have been sent to invite [you].” [I said,] A monk explained to Lama Marpa my reasoning. [Marpa replied,] “When in the past, he was right [in the past, he would have been right]. Now it is not necessary to act like that. This time, the main invited guest is the Great Magician. Dakmema, go and call him.” The lady arrived there with a smiling face, and said, “Uncle Great Magician, now it seems that the lama will accept you as a disciple. As a sign of his being moved by sincere compassion, he said that this time he [you] is the main guest, and he sent me to call [you]. He didn’t even scold me. Rejoice, and let’s go.” I wondered if it was true this time, irrationally doubtful in thinking that it was a lie, I went inside and sat in the line. The lama said, “As a technique of purifying the Great Magician’s sins, I have cast away his suffering, and not only that, if the tower work had been my own desire, it would have been possible to treat him gently. Those of you in line who do not understand the dharma, don’t lose faith. But if I had sent this son of mine to despair nine times, he would have become a buddha without physical remainder and without seeing to take another human birth. Since it didn’t happen like that, some residue of negativities and obscurations remains, brought by Dakmema’s foolishness. Still, [your] severe sins have been annihilated, from the point of view of the eight great cleansing despairs and the many minor [adversities]. While shedding tears of intense joy, I prostrated, and the entire assembly gathered.

Then, The lama’s hand settled on my head, and he said, “Son, from the beginning I knew you to be a worthy student. By means of many cruelties, such as expelling you from the row of supplicants, I gave you much despair, and yet you never generated wrong views. Because of that, your descendants will, in the beginning, contain all the qualities of a student, such as faith, diligence, wisdom, and great compassion; in the middle, they will have little attachment to the pleasures of this life and, with endurance of austerities, great fortitude for meditating in the mountains; and finally, they will become fully qualified lamas who are endowed with experience, blessings, knowledge, and kindness.” The prophesy gave me confidence and encouraged me, and made me feel joy. That was the beginning of my happiness. [So Milarepa] said. This was the third [supreme deed], the deed of his receiving initiations and oral instructions.

Four. [Milarepa continued.] By the lama’s suggestion, I entered into meditation in Taknya cave in Lhodrak. At that time, I filled an offering bowl with melted butter and lit the fire, then placed it on my head. As long as the butter lamp was not exhausted, without moving my body, I did [this] passing through day and night, meditating, and eleven months passed. The lama and his wife came, carrying good supplies for a ritual feast. The lama said, “Son, it is really advantageous for one to be able to meditate without the heat of your cushion dissipating for eleven months. Today, destroy the small window and next to me, old father, come rest your tired body and talk about how experiences arose [for you].”  I went next to the lama, and the lama said, I stayed in Zangpuk cave, which has prophesied by Naropa. This is the fourth [supreme deed],