Chapter 8: Returning home

Jetsun replied [as follows]. I didn’t stay there many years. Once I fell asleep at dawn and in a dream, [the following happened]. I arrived at my homeland Kyangatsa, and my house, Kazhi Dunggye, was cracked. The holy dharma book, the Ratnakūṭa, was damaged by dripping [water]. The field, Orma Triangle, was overflowing with grass. My old mother was dead. My sister had wandered off as a beggar. Because of all this, I was filled with immeasurable sorrow. I called out the names of my mother and sister and cried. Waking up from my dream, my pillow was soaked with tears. Only because of missing my mother, I cried a lot. I thought I’d do anything to meet with my mother again. He was asleep when I arrived to meet him. Assuming an inferior position in body and speech there, at his pillow, I made a petition. The lama woke up, and the lama said, “Son, for what reason have you come, breaking suddenly your strict retreat?” I told him about how it happened in my dream.

Then the lama bestowed in full  the ripening path symbolic initiations of the dakini aural transmission and the liberating path oral instructions, a transmission handed down to only one person and not known to others. If you do it like Tilo subjugated Lord Naropa or like I subjugated you, there will be no benefit to those of lesser capacity, so do the appropriate dharma teachings for the system of that [person]. Persevere, and raise the victory banner of your accomplishment. Son, this departure of yours has really broken my mind [i.e., heart]. There I stayed for a few days, according to the lama’s command.

Then the lama said, “Dakmema, Mila Dorje Gyaltsen is preparing to leave in the morning. Although it will make me sad, I must go and see him off.” To me he said, “Tonight you sleep near me. Father and son will talk.” I slept near the lama, and the lady arrived there also; expressing great experiences of sadness, she cried. In the morning, dawn broke, and around thirteen disciples accompanied me for a half day’s journey. Then, at Cholagang, the lama took my hand and said, “Without staying more than seven days in your region, set out directly to practice in a mountain retreat. This is for the benefit of yourself and all others.” While feeling sad, I entered the path, and then I reached my region, arriving in three days. I was delighted at my ability [to control the subtle inner] winds, and a feeling of importance arose, thinking that. This is the fifth [of the supreme deeds], the deed in which he departs from the lama and returns home.

Six. Again Rechungpa asked, “When Jetsun Lama reaching the region of his birth, did it happen as in his dream, or did he meet his mother?” Jetsun said, “I did not have the luck to meet my mother, just as I saw in my bad dream.” Again Rechungpa said, “So, how did Jetsun arrive at his home?” I first [reached] the upper end of the valley and  there were many herdsmen. I pointed at our house and said, “The place over there, what’s it called? What are the benefactors called?” They said, “Over there it’s called Kazhi Dunggye. It’s benefactors are none but ghosts.” I asked in detail, “Are the people over there dead, or did they leave the region?” They gave me the detailed story, and my mind became really sad, and I sat crying in a secret spot until the sun went down. Suddenly I remembered the lama’s oral instructions, and I blended my mother’s consciousness with my mind, and I blended those with the wisdom mind of the Kagyu lamas. I made a cushion on my mother’s bones, and I sat in luminosity without my three gates wavering for even an instant. I saw the truth of liberating both my father and mother from the suffering of cyclic existence. Seven days passed, and rising from my meditative absorption, I thought about things. “I am certain that all of cyclic existence lacks an essence, and so with these bones of my mother I will make figurines, and as payment for that, I will offer the Ratnakūṭa [texts]. I will go to Drakar Taso to practice day and night. This is the sixth [supreme deed], the deed in which, being reminded once again that cyclic existence has no essence, he vowed to practice.

Seven. Again Rechungpa asked, “Where did Jetsun first practice austerities and meditation?” [Milarepa continued.] There was a cave in the mountain behind our house, and I stayed there and meditated. Because I was stingy with food and water, most of my physical strength was consumed, although my practiced improved; I lasted for several months. Then, my food and water ran out and with nothing to eat, I couldn’t bear it for long. I went to beg from the nomads, and blocked by a tent, I called, Aunt carried her tent poles and beat me many times, saying, “A disgrace to your good father!” I ran away, but because I had been poorly nourished, my physical strength had deteriorated, and my feet hit a rock and I fell into a well, and I nearly died. I got up however [I could], and supporting my body on a stick, I sang a song to my aunt, with a tearful voice. A girl who was standing behind Aunt broke into long sobs, and even Aunt was ashamed. Then they both went inside. She came back carrying a ball of butter and a half of a sweet cake that looked rotten. Again I was begging alms of farmers in the upper valley of Tsa, and my Uncle recognized me, and although he was old like a corpse, he threw a stone [at me] nearly hitting me. I also recognized him, and I went to run away, so he came out carrying a bow and arrow and started shooting. A few young men from the region there also threw stones. I was terribly afraid due to the remorse of having cast magic [in the region] previously. I decided to threaten them with magic. I said, “Father Kagyu lamas, ocean of oath-bound blood drinkers! This yogin, a dharma practitioner, is beset by enemies. Help me, and destroy them. Though I may die, the dharma protectors are immortal.” They were scared, and they all seized my uncle. People who were good to me intervened. Those men who threw stones begged forgiveness. Uncle refused to give me alms, but the other countrymen each gave excellent alms, which I carried off. Because I would stimulate their anger staying in this region now, I decided I must go. That night in a dream a sign appeared that it would be good if I stayed a few days in that place where I had previous lived. I asked her, “Why are you still not married after so long?” She said, “[People] were afraid of your dharma protectors, and so no one emerged to say he wanted me. Even if one had, I wouldn’t have gone. Your dharma practice is really wonderful. I have never seen a dharma practitioner like this, your clothes worse than a beggar’s. What kind of religious tradition’s dress is this?” I said, “It is the dress of the most excellent of all traditions, the tradition that is called ‘casting the eight worldly concerns to the wind in order to attain buddhahood in this life’.” I said to her, “You should also practice dharma if you can. If you can’t, take my house and fields as I have already said, and go.” She said, “I will practice dharma but I can’t do it like you.”