Chapter 5: Purifying obscurations through despair

Then, I felt great despair and cried. The lady comforted me. The next morning, the lama himself came, and said, “Help build a tower for Darma Dode. When that’s finished I will give you the oral instructions and food and clothes.” On an eastern spur of the mountain he said “build a round one”, and so I built it. About half way done, the lama came and said, “Yesterday’s thinking should be thrown out. Destroy this tower from the root and carry back the dug up earth and stones. I did accordingly. Again, on a western spur of the mountain, he said, “build a semicircular tower,” and I built it. Again he told me to do it like before. Again, we went to a north spur of the mountain, and he said, “My dear Great Magician, the other day I was drunk and so didn’t give good advice. Now, here, build a fine tower.” I replied, “Like this, building and destroying towers, it is nothing but suffering for me, and it's wasting resources. Please consider this carefully.” He said, “This time, I’m not drunk. I have considered the matter carefully. It must be triangular, so build it – you will not have to destroy this one.” Again, when I had completed about one third of it, he said, “Great Magician, whose is this tower you’re building? Who gave you the instructions?” “Surely the lama himself ordered the tower for his son,” I replied. “At that time,” I offered, “I remember that I asked you to consider it carefully. You did consider it carefully, and you said this time I wouldn’t need to tear it down. I remember this clearly.” “Well then, who is your witness of this? Carry the displaced earth and stones back, and if you need the dharma, I will give it; if you don’t, go away.” Speaking this way, he worked himself into a rage. I was overcome by limitless sadness, but still wanted the dharma, and according to the lama’s words, also for that triangular tower I carried the earth and stones back.

He said, “Make a good meal and bring him to me.” He gave me the ordinary refuge transmission and vows. “That is all called the ordinary dharma. If you need the oral instructions of the extraordinary Secret Mantra, you must act like this.” He gave a brief summary of the Naropa’s life and his mode of austerities, and said, “It will be difficult for you to be so capable,” and this generated a powerful faith which moved me to tears, and I resolved to do whatever the lama commanded.

“So, as a witness to these promises, is the lady present?” “Yes,” he said. There, the lama drew a picture of the foundation. I invited the lady, and said, “This time I have invited the lady as a witness to these promises, so please attest to them. The lady said, “It’s fine for me to be the witness but because a husband is a powerful authority, it will be hard to obey.” The lama said to the lady, “you will be that witness to the building. I will do according to the promise.”

At that time, Meton Tsonpo came to request the great initiation of Cakrasamvara. The lady said, “This time you should work to attain the initiation also.” I prostrated and sat down in line. The lama said, The following day the lama came and said, “Great Magician, if you stop doing the tower’s wall, I will give you the initiations and oral instructions.”

Again soon, Tsurton came to request the great initiation of Guhyasamaja. The lady said, “Now son, you should receive an initiation.” She gave me a skin bag full of butter, a bolt of woolen cloth and a small copper kettle, and I offered them as gifts, and sat in the initiation line. If you have something, bring it, otherwise don’t sit in line for my initiation,” he said, and stood up, and gave me many reprimands, and he kicked me and threw me out. I thought I would be happy if I dissolved into the earth, and at that time, the lady gave me much consolation. I sat and cried as the night disappeared. and I did the tower work. At that time, on my back another sore appeared, and from all three wounds, pus and blood oozed, and I offered to show the lady the back wounds that had appeared. “So much talk is useless. If ten stories are achieved, I will give the dharma, is what I said.”