Again, Ngokton Chodor and his retinue came requesting the great initiation of Hevajra. The lady said, “This time, offer the offerings, and then ask to attain the initiation.” She gave me a large red and beautiful turquoise that was her own private possession, and I offered that. “This time, I ask you to give me definitely this initiation.” I sat in the initiation line. He looked at the turquoise. “Great Magician, where is this from?” I replied, “The lady gave it to me.” He smiled. “Call Dakmema,” he said. I invited the lady. He said, “Dakmema, where did we get this turquoise?” The lady offered him many prostrations, and said, “As for this turquoise, when my parents first sent me to my husband, the lama went into a rage, and so [they said] if husband and wife become parted you’ll need it, put this away without showing anyone, they said, giving it to me as my private wealth. I have given it to this unbearably sweet child. Take this turquoise, and look upon the Great Magician with kindness and grant him the initiation.”
I stayed there wondering if still a request would come. The lama was angry and suddenly rose up. “I sent you away but what pride you have to not have gone”. He threw me upside down and it was like evening [i.e., everything went dark]. He threw me on my back and it was like daybreak [i.e., I saw stars]. He grabbed a stick, and Ngok held him, while I was terrified and [jumped through] the window. I was so excessively distraught that I thought I had to kill myself, and at that time, the lady came to me in tears and said, “Great Magician, don’t despair. It is right for you to request the dharma from another lama; I will make preparations for you to meet with one, and provide you with offerings and provisions for religious practice.” Thus she consoled me. In the morning, the lama called me before him. I went, wondering if he would give me the dharma. “Is it enough that I didn’t give you the initiation, do hatred and disbelief not emerge?” “Faith in the lama is not shaken. I think the blame is because of my own great sins and defilements, and I was overcome with despair,” I replied, crying. Now the lama will not grant oral instructions without offerings. Even if I went to another, none would come who didn’t require offerings. Without wealth, I will not obtain the dharma. I thought this. Carrying my books, I left without even telling the lady. I reached a place a single half day’s journey from Drowolung, and it was time to eat. First I begged some barley flour, and then borrowed a pot. I gathered water, fire, and wood, cooked a meal and ate it. Half a day passed. There, I thought, “Half the work I’ve done went to the lama’s service, and half was for my food payment. This morning, I didn’t wish the the lady well – I am bad.” I wondered whether I should go back, but I didn’t dare go back. I went to deliver the cooking pot and old man said, “Do you know how to read?” “I’m not always a beggar, I know how to read.” “That’s just right. So, read scriptures at my place for a few days and I’ll give you a good fee,” he said, and I was happy. “Great!,” I said, and staying there, I read the [Perfection of Wisdom in] 8000 [lines], and I saw Taktungu’s biography. He, for the sake of the dharma, was able to renounce life and limb. I thought, “If he gave up his heart he was certain to die, but he still decided to sell his heart. Renouncing compared to this, I’ve hardly suffered at all for the sake of the dharma. It’s possible the lama will still give the dharma. If he doesn’t, the lady has made a good promise to hand me over to another lama.” I generated the courage to return.